


Not as Bad as it Could have Been

by Sanru



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Breaking and Entering, Burglary, Gen, Questionable use of Herbs and Spices
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-08
Updated: 2017-05-08
Packaged: 2018-10-29 10:25:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10852050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sanru/pseuds/Sanru
Summary: Gladio was really starting to hate Lestallum.If the break in wasn't bad enough, the separate attacks on Ignis and Prompto was the final straw.That straw broke when Noctis got hauled off by the Empire.Who was he kidding?Gladio really fucking hated this town.





	Not as Bad as it Could have Been

**Author's Note:**

> It's way to early. I have finals in the morning and term papers I should be working on and instead I'm posting fanfiction...Ugh...

Gladiolus eyes were open.

It took him a second to actually realize he was awake.  It was still dark out, diffused light from Lestallum’s street lamps filtered up into their hotel room, casting odd shadows on the wall and ceiling.  It was enough to lull him back asleep but there was something wrong.  Something out of place in their room.  Something that wasn’t supposed to be there.

Trained from a young age to trust his instincts, Gladio faked sleep as he scanned the room without giving away that he was actually awake.  Prompto was behind him, lying on his stomach and sleeping peacefully.  The door beyond him hadn’t been opened from what Gladio could see in the mirror across the room and the bathroom door was still wide open.  The space between the beds was clear, Noctis and then Ignis were sleeping in the next bed over.  His charge seemed fine, was still within arm's reach and sleeping heavily.  Nothing was out of place.  Their bags were scattered about on the chairs and the coffee table in the sitting area of the room.  The window was open letting a cool, refreshing bree-

Wait, Ignis had closed and locked that before he had gone to bed.

So there was an intruder in the room, he had the point of entry, next he had to locate whoever had tried sneaking in without indicating he was on to them.  Gladio strained his hearing, holding his breath while still maintaining the steady rise and fall of his chest to keep up the appearance of sleeping.  The room was silent except for his friends’ breathing.  

Then there was a faint movement on the far side of the coffee table.  Fabric ruffling, the quiet sound of a zipper being slowly and carefully opened, one interlocking tooth at a time.  Their unwanted guest was messing with their bags.

He tilted his head slowly, trying to make the move appear nothing more than a slight shift in his sleep.  Lying on his side facing Noct with an arm under his head allowed him to move without creating much noise and to angle his eyes more towards where their visitor was.  Despite his caution, all movement stopped and the room went silent again.  He waited a breath and then parted his lips, letting out a faint snore to lull them into a false sense of security.

He faked sleep for another couple breaths, snoring lightly with each inhale, before he saw movement.  Whoever had broken in was mostly hidden behind one of the chairs that was between them.  Carefully and quietly they finished unzipping the side pocket in Prompto’s bag and dug around in it for a second where it sat on the coffee table.  After a moment or two, it was carefully closed and he could barely make out the hands moving over to unzip the other side pocket.  

A burglar?  In Lestallum?  That was kind of hard for Gladio to believe even with the evidence right there in front of him.  Lestallum had a ridiculously low crime rate for a city this large and prosperous.  With all the help wanted posters they had seen as they had wandered through the market the day before why would someone resort to stealing? The punishment was not anything to sneeze at.  

Lestallum was primarily a tourist city and their economy outside power generation thrived on that. No one native to the city would risk losing tourists just to make some quick and risky gil.  Whoever this was, they definitely weren't born in here.

Again their visitor ruffled through the side pocket but didn't take anything from what he could see.  Maybe they were looking for something in particular?  They left their hiding spot, staying low to keep the coffee table between them so that they appear to be no more than an indistinct shadow.  This person was good, they had obviously been doing this for awhile.  

And now the cat burglar was reaching for Ignis’ bag, which had the bifold wallet in the front pocket that held their emergency funds.  All of it.  Well, he was pretty sure that Ignis had even more gil stashed somewhere as an emergency emergency fund, but he knew that was a pretty good chunk of change in there.  No way they would just leave that.  

The hard part was trying to figure out a way to rush them before they got away.  The blankets partially over him would tangle around his legs when he went to get out of the bed.  That would be enough time for the burglar to get halfway to the window.  He might be able to fake waking up and wander into the bathroom enough to be convincing.  They’d probably hide behind the coffee table till he shut the door.  That would give him a clear path to bullru-

Noctis suddenly grunted in his sleep and rolled over.

The burglar froze, shifting back and down slightly to use the coffee table to better hide themselves.  Gladio continued to pretend to sleep even as Noctis let out a another sleepy murmur and shifted slightly on the bed.  Kid was probably gearing up for another nightmare.  He had such shitty timing most of the time but maybe his restlessness would make their guest leave to avoid detection.  

The shadow shifted then rose, peering over the coffee table and at the occupants in the beds.  They were small, either a rather thin man built about Prompto’s size or perhaps a young woman.  They were dressed in all black and had some kind of mask over their head, hair and face further obscuring their gender.  Gladio was now fairly certain now that this person was a pro.   

Noctis let out another faint sound and twisted slightly on the bed.  He was having another nightmare and his luck seemed to be just as shitty as always.  The burglar was approaching the bed on silently footsteps, a hand reaching up behind his hip like he was grabbing something.  He seemed to be solely focused on Noctis, he hadn’t realized that Gladio was still faking his sleep and that was going to cost him.  Especially if they thought they could try and hurt Noct on his watch.

Their burglar friend was good but definitely not the best.  They hadn’t caught onto the fact that Gladio wasn’t actually asleep.  Seriously, he was a fairly good actor but he hadn’t been able to keep his breathing even, the fake snores only making it more obvious, and the burglar hadn’t even realized that.  Gladio got ready to move, the blankets could very well trip him but at least the burglar was now close enough he was basically going to be able to jump on tehm.  

The burglar pulled a small vial from their belt with who knew what was in it.  Whatever it was Gladio wasn’t about to let them test it on Noct either.  He waited until they went to take another step, knowing that their balance would be compromised and they wouldn't be able to move quickly like that.  He didn’t think he needed the upper hand in this fight but he wasn’t going to say no to such an easy advantage either.  

Gladio exploded off the bed with enough force to rattle the entire frame.  

The sudden motion jolted Prompto awake but Gladio ignored his startled squawk as he gripped their burglar around the waist and knocked her backwards into one of the chairs.  The clothes she was wearing were padded, helping to better hide her shape but he could tell the moment he grabbed her.  He had wrestled enough girls in both training and other more pleasurable pursuits to recognize her shape compared to that of a man’s.  

If Prompto's yelp hadn't woke everyone in the room, the two of them knocking over the chair and kicking the coffee table over and off to the side would have.  Ignis at least would have woken up if just to complain about the racket.  Noct would probably sleep through it.  He kind of hoped that no one was in the room below them with all the racket they had just made.  

She was all legs and arms, not so much a fighter as she was a contortionist.  A firm grip on her was nothing that she could wiggle out of.  They rolled over, Gladio's foot knocking over the other chair as they went.  Gladio tried to get the upper hand by using his bodyweight to pin her down only for her to squirm off to the side like a wet bar of soap in a firm grip.  Ifirt’s ass was that irritating.

The lights suddenly snapped on and Gladio blinked furiously to adjust his eyes faster. “Gladio!” Ignis was definitely up now.  Between the two of them she was as good as caught. He looked down at her and had just enough time to make out a pair of furious blue eyes, half exposed by a mask that had slipped to the wayside, with a bit of blond hair peeking free before some kind of powder was thrown in his face.

He roared.  Whatever she had tossed at him burned like someone had poured boiling water onto his skin.  The powder was everywhere.  In his eyes.  His mouth.  Racing up his nose and setting his sinuses on fire.  It burned with what felt like an unholy fire the seemed to encompass his entire existence.  His eyes blurred with tears and he was blinking furiously to try and get whatever it was out of his eyes, making it nearly impossible to see.

She easily slipped from his grasp while he was distracted.  With a wild, undirected lunge, he reached out and managed snagged fabric, pulling back hard enough to feel it tear free in his grip.  It was too small to be any article of clothing but he had defiantly gotten a souvenir.  Ignis shouted at her to stop but even he knew she was gone, out the open window.  Honestly, he could care less where she went as long as it was away from there.  He didn’t fancy his chances trying to fight her right now.  

He let go of whatever he had ripped off her and rubbed at his eyes, swearing when it only seemed to make the burning worse.  His breaths were coming in hiccupping gasps, his throat raw and charred beyond all recognition.  He couldn't swallow, he couldn't breath, his eyes were blurred with tears, his nose was running and he couldn't seem to do anything but let the fire consume him.

Someone grabbed at his frantically rubbing hands and pulled them away from his face.  He very nearly lashed out but Ignis started talking before he could go through with that motion.  “Gladio, stop.  You're only making the reaction worse.”

“Who was that?” Noctis said, standing somewhere near the window.  Gladio tried to tell him to get away from there in case she came back but all that escaped him was a choked off cough as his throat refused to work properly.

“Noctis, get away from the window.  Bring all the sheep milk we have and join us in the bathroom.  Prompto, close it and draw the curtain.  Be on guard until Gladio can tell us exactly what happened.”  Gladio was thanking the Six for Iggy right then.  Always eight steps ahead of everyone even after being rudely awaken at quarter past bump-fuck in the morning.  The hands on his wrists moved to his shoulder, coaxing him to move with a gentle hand, “Get up Gladio.  Don't touch your eyes or face.”

He wobbled as he stood, feeling unusually uncoordinated without his eyesight and being racked with the steadily increasing pain.  His breath hitched.  It was weird moving around not able to see where he was going.  He would have been completely disorientated if it weren’t for Ignis talking to him as he guided him across the room to the bathroom. 

“You two managed to throw the majority of the room in disarray with your little tussle.  There is an upended chair on your right side, step over this way.  Now forward.  Take a high step or you’re liable to trip over Noctis’ bag.  I’m going to walk you over the coffee table that has been flipped over.  Don’t worry it’s level.  Slight raise and a change under foot.  There, now it's a straight shot to the bathroom.  At your own pace, don’t rush.  Stop for a moment and let me go before you.”

His feet shuffled off the warm rug and onto the cold tile as Ignis led him into the bathroom with a steady grip on his hands.  “Right here,” he said stopping him with a hand to his shoulder.  “Gladio, I’m going to help you get on your knees and then spin you so that you head is hanging over the side of the tub.”  The fire was becoming unbearable but he managed to nod his head and then follow the gentle pull on his wrists.  He let Ignis guide him first to his knees and then turned so that his upper body was over the tub and his arms were braced on either side of him.  

“Thank you, Noct,” he felt Ignis move nearby.  “Gladio, can you take off your tank top for me.”  There was a choked off sound from out in the room.  “Prompto, please turn your thoughts to something a little more decent for a change.”

Gladio wanted to snort a laugh at the exasperated sound in Ignis’ voice but he doubted that would make the fire feel any better.  He pulled off his shirt and handed it off to his left side where he knew Ignis was.  The other man was keeping a hand on his shoulder to help him stay oriented. 

“Thank you.  This may feel and seem weird Gladio but it should alleviate the reaction enough that you are no longer in pain.”  Ignis pulled Gladio’s chin around towards him and began to pour something up near his temple so that it ran in rivulets down across his face.  “Open your mouth and blink your eyes,” Ignis instructed as he began to move the hand holding whatever he was pouring on his face back and forth.  He blinked his eyes and opened his mouth.  Even half seared to a crisp, Gladio recognized the taste.  “Have another bottle at the ready Noct,” Ignis added.

“Uh… Iggy?  Why are you pouring sheep’s milk all over Gladio’s face?”  Prompto asked from just outside the door to the bathroom.

“Sheep’s milk contains a compound known as casein which binds easily with capsaicin.  It will neutralize the irritation and then we can use water to wash away the rest without causing Gladio any undue pain.”  Ignis turned his head to the other side and began pouring the milk as he had been before.  “Remember to keep blinking Gladio.” he reminded him with a distracted voice as he focused on keeping a consistent stream of sheep’s milk pouring over his face.  

“Why not just risen off his face?” Noct was standing on his other side.  He heard the shift of fabric and he and Ignis’ exchanged bottles and then the sound of his voice changed as he turned to the counter.  “You were going to do it anyway, just get that stuff off him now.”

Gladio would have agreed with Noctis were he able but he was too busy swallowing milk down his burnt throat to even try and ask.  He could feel the burning beginning to subside.  The cold milk helping to cool his face as well as dull the burn.  He was going to need a shower after this to get the milk out of his hair and beard.

“Straight water would have just intensified the reaction.”  Ignis traded out for a new bottle of milk and coaxed Gladio into turning his face back towards him.  “Considering Gladio’s initial reaction to the curry powder and pepper blend I doubt that any of us would want to make it any worse.”

Curry powder and pepper blend?  He had been incapacitated by some spices?!  “You’re shitting me?” he managed to croak out, coughing slightly as he half swallowed a mouthful of milk wrong.

“Gladio got taken out by a mouthful of curry powder?”  He could hear the amusement in Prompto’s voice.  “I knew he didn’t like spicy food but-”

Ignis interrupted him as he hurried to clarify, “Yes and no.  Gladio received a faceful of a spice blend consisting of curry powder, dried chili and black pepper.  While it’s obvious that some of it ended up in his mouth, most of it ended up in his eyes and I daresay up his nose.  Neither of which would be a particularly pleasant experience.”  Ignis stopped pouring the milk over his face and moved away.  Gladio blinked his eyes a couple of times and could just make out Ignis pulling some toilet paper off the roll before turning to offer it to him.  “Blow your nose Gladio, I need to see how much damage was done to your sinuses.”

Blowing his nose only seemed to make the pain flare again but it wasn’t half as bad as before when everything burned.  His eyes and mouth were a bit tingly but it was bearable.  “The amount use was easily five times the amount I would even consider using in an exceedingly spicy dish,” Ignis spoke over the noise Gladio made as he blew his nose.  Gladio looked at the paper in his hands when he was done and grimaced at the flecks of blood on it.  He’d really been burned by that stuff.  “It’s a frankly remarkable yet unorthodox use of spices.”

“A thief,” Gladio said sitting up a bit as Ignis hummed thoughtfully to himself and took the toilet paper from Gladio to dispose of.  “Woke up to her rifling through Prompto’s bag.  Noct started tossing in his sleep and she was going to dose him with something when I tried to grab her.”

“How do you know it was a girl?” Prompto asked.  Gladio leaned back on his heels and took an offered bottle of sheep’s milk Noctis handed him.  It wasn’t the most pleasant taste in the world but it took the burning sensation out of his mouth and throat.

“I know what a girl is shaped like.  Unlike some people, I don’t have a problem getting a girl in bed with me,” Prompto pouted at him.  It was a low blow but Gladio was still miffed at being taken down by something Iggy typically carried around for cooking.   He felt a little guilty by the comeback as soon as he had finished saying it.  

“Is there any other spices that can be weaponized like that?” Noctis directed the question at Ignis, seemingly ignoring the interaction between the other two in the room with them.

“Not as easily and I doubt as effective given the situation.”  Ignis paused, head barely titling to one side as he thought over the question.  “If I remember right in large quantities nutmeg acts like a hallucinogen, fennel oil can act as a neurotoxin, and ginger acts as both a stimulant and aphrodisiac.”

“You can trip off nutmeg?”  In his defense, Noctis was just restating what Ignis had said in disbelief but his advisor shot him a look that was synonymous with angry storm clouds looming on the horizon.  

“Yes but you would need to eat essentially three times the amount of freshly ground nutmeg I typically carry to go on a hallucinogenic trip.  It is also insanely easy to overdose on which can lead to liver and intestinal damage and even death in certain situations.”  Ignis had obviously jumped to the wrong conclusion and assumed the worse.  Everyone there could hear the unspoken warning that Ignis would personally lambaste them if he caught any of them so much as looking at his spice collection funny.  “Now that this line of questioning is finished, Gladio go ahead and take a shower.  Be sure to flush out your eyes.  I’ll set your duffle just inside the door.  The rest of us will put the room back together.”

“Yes, sir.”  “Gotcha.”  “Sure thing, Specs.”  All of them knew better than to argue with Ingis when he used that tone of voice.  

Freshly washed and wearing clean clothes, Gladio carried his duffle out of the bathroom about ten minutes later.  The room looked at it had when they had first walked in that afternoon and both Prompto and Noctis were already in bed.  Noctis was already asleep unsurprisingly.  

What was surprising was that Ignis was sitting in one of the arm chairs, pressed, dressed and ready to go for a morning that was still several hours off.  “Staying up?” he asked softly as he put his duffle down on the recently righted coffee table.

“I think we would all sleep better if someone stood guard the rest of the night, though I doubt our intruder will return any time soon.”  Ignis stood up and took Gladio’s chin in hand, angling his face enough so he could see it better in the soft light from the desk lamp that was still on. “There doesn’t appear to be any damage to your eyes.  How does your throat and sinuses feel?”

“Tingles a little bit but nothing more.  I blew my nose again and there wasn’t any blood this time.”  On the coffee table was what looked like a belt with several small pouches on it that looked like it had been torn off someone’s waist.  A small collection of satchels, a small thin blade and several small non descript aerosol tubes were next to it.  “That what I ripped off her? Did she manage to get anything?”

“Only Prompto's bag had been rifled through but all its contents have been accounted for." Ignis gestured to the belt pouch and its contents. "There is no identification information of any kind, though I doubted there would have been any to begin with, and several other satchels of that spice blend used on you.”  Ignis picked up one of the aerosol cans barely the length and diameter of his little finger.  “This is some kind of herbal sedative in spray form.  I recognize the scent of several of the more tranquil herbs in it.  Prompto found one on the floor near where Noctis had been sleeping.  Presumably she was planning on putting him to sleep when you made your move.”

It could have been more than that and both of them knew it.  She shouldn’t have been able to get into the room without them knowing.  If it had been an assassin, there was a good chance that Noctis would have been dead before either of them had known they were there.  “We’re going to have to rethink sleeping arrangements and security precautions a little better,” Gladio said eyeing his charge where he was already fast asleep on the bed.  Prompto was trying to pretend he was sleeping but he was way too restless to make it believable as he shifted on the bed for the third time in the past minute.  

Ignis nodded in agreement having come to the same conclusion earlier when he had been helping to straighten up the room, “I’ll brainstorm a list and we can discuss it over breakfast tomorrow.”

“You sure you’ll be fine?” Gladio wasn’t sure how much rest he was going to get that night.  He was still amped up and jumpy himself, twitching to identify so much as the slightest noise in the room.  

“Noctis can drive us to old Lestallum in the morning.  I’ll have ample time to sleep in the car.”  He gave Gladio a look as if knowing the bodyguard would have difficulty sleeping without his mind being put at ease. “You need to sleep.  Just relax.  I have the watch.”

It was going to be hard to just rest on command like that but one of the first things Gladio had learned when he had gone through basic training was how to sleep everywhere and at anytime regardless of how he felt.  It wouldn’t be the most restful but he would be able to get some sleep during the remainder of the night.  “Alright but if you don’t sleep tomorrow in the car I’ll try out the potency of that knock out spray on you.”

Ignis didn’t say anything but just arched an eyebrow at him that just screamed ‘try it and no meat for you for the next week’.  Gladio was just joking anyways.  Not like he was going to risk hurt Ignis if he was wrong or become a vegetarian for the next few days.

It still took Gladio a while to fall asleep.  His eyes kept tracking to the door, to Noctis, to the once again closed and locked window, to Ignis sitting prim and proper on the edge of his chosen chair scrolling through his phone, and back through the circuit again.  He was ready for a fight, he was still on edge and his mind kept whirling with implications and what could have beens.  He should have woke up to her opening the window, not to her rummaging through the bags after having been in the room for who knew how long.  

He was going to have to do better from now on.  They’d been lucky this time.  Next time, it could be a whole different story altogether.


End file.
